Wednesday, September 16, 2009

;

I'm posting this because a lot of you don't know that I struggled with borderline personality disorder (this diagnosis is being reevaluated), depression, anxiety, insomnia and PTSD since before I turned 10 (except insomnia that came in my teens). In 2006 I was hospitalized on a 51/50 and got to experience what Alice felt like discovering Wonderland.
Of course the brain injury has completely exacerbated my mental illness and even through survival and working extensively to get as recovered as I am; I still have suicidal days. Some days I can't see the sense in surviving and working so hard, when I constantly feel I'm draining the energy and resources of my support system. Who am I to make those closest to me stress or suffer so I can get through? Today has been one of my worst recently, it's a combination of stress, med changes and financial worry. Most days I think I know my purpose for still being here and can force myself to focus on that and change my perspective through altruism, some days like today I just can't. There's no more positivity in reserve, I'm tapped out. However, if you can get through, so can I. Thank you.