Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Bamboozled
Every new adjustment we need to implement, devices I need to start using again, all feel like failure. I know it's not; and miraculously the love of my life knows it's not as well. I however find myself deeply panicked... I told him I was going to get better, I do not have it in me to quit and I'll fight for 110% EVERYDAY, until my last moment, but am I being unfair to the man that loves me but signed up for a progressing partner? He tells me that I'm the only one that has a problem with the things I cannot do again (yet), but I can't ignore the fact that since we've been together my mobility has decreased. The way I was pushing my body would have caused it regardless, but miraculously I have someone willing, more, wanting to be the one who helps me do what I cannot yet. There are soooooooo many not as fortunate as I find myself, I am more grateful and appreciative than you'll ever know but I need to regain my forward momentum so he can have the love he deserves as well. I fear my love may have been accidentally bamboozled.
Unbalanced
My prescription has lapsed, due to my mobility issues and unreliable transportation from others I was blessed with prescription delivery. It is an amazing service but for some reason I have been off my meds since Friday waiting for my refills. I know actually KNOW that all of this emotional upheaval and dizzy spells stem from my chemical imbalance but do you have any idea what it's like to know why you're feeling crazy but still have to FIGHT OFF doing something rash because you feel that fucking crazy??!?!!? I can't sit up or walk without it being dangerous because of the lightning storms going on through my body and they make me soooooooo dizzy that I fall. At the moment I'm waiting with baited breath for the knock on my door letting me know that sanity through pill has arrived.