Thursday, September 24, 2009

Deep Breath...

There's a lot of basic functions that get affected when you have hemi-paresis or paralysis, especially if it's an entire side of your body. In my case I've found it to be ruthless and thorough. From vocal chords to using the bathroom. Five and a half years after my stroke I've found my words, relearned to write, memorize, walk, stand, sit up, laugh, sing, and tie my shoes, dress myself, wiggle my digits, lift my arm...
Yet try as I might I still can't seem to master the art of starting a urine stream. Sure, it's all laughs when you're popping a squat on the side of some obscure highway laughing hysterically with your friend cause it's been 20 mins that you've had an emergent need to go but can't remember how. This is a whole other beast we're dealing with here. This,....  this is FIVE YEARS LATER and I've just spent an hour trying to relive the "I'm about to burst!!" feeling. There's a silver lining, I eventually figure it out. But it's not exactly something you get a pamphlet or therapy session to work on. So when you're having a rough day feel free to use this information to get the laughs you need for a fresh perspective on things. If you can't laugh at yourself, you have no business laughing at anyone else.
I named the post what I did because despite common lore, and my innate pull towards the dramatic; I am not comfortable sharing this information with people. I'm a 32 year old woman, I didn't even consider that my best decade would include disposable underwear. I pray with gratitude daily for finding a love that is not unfamiliar with what goes along with surviving a TBI. It's not pretty, quiet, inspiring, easy, neat, quick no. In fact it's humbling, improvised, humiliating, exposing, painful, and can seem never ending. But you're not alone. You are not your ailments. I wish someone could have painted THAT picture for me.
All this being said... My thirties really are proving to be my best decade so far!