enjoy...

When I got discharged from my outpatient therapies I distinctly remember my therapists reiterating that nothing will aid my recovery as much as my life would. "Go out there and remember how to be young again, remember how to enjoy your life, enjoy who you are..." Essentially trying to make me see that running through my exercises and brain games while hiding out wasn't going to do me or my recovery any justice. I have been working hard at doing just that, I do what I can, take care of what I can and make a concentrated effort to enjoy everything and everyone to the fullest. I'm tired though, I'm tired of having to work at enjoying myself. I know that I say this a lot but it's the absolute fucking truth; hard I can handle, I'm used to hard I'm just not sure I have the endurance to handle EVERYTHING being hard and EVERY FUCKING THING being THIS hard. I'm not trying to get through this, I am getting through this... it's just so damn tiring.