Sunday, January 16, 2011

i need help.

I'm hanging on by a thread and don't know how to keep pulling myself from the dark, I sometimes think that the most unselfish thing I can do for all that have to help me is just disappear, die so that they can move on and not have to carry the weight of a 28yr old who can't work, pay her bills, get anywhere on her own and has the intellectual proficiency of a second grader with an adults vocabulary. I got denied for soc sec and LTD but am not well enough to even correctly fill out job applications. I feel so alone, like a burden and I don't know how to make myself any better. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels but don't know anything else to try. Hopefully my new doctor will have a fresh perspective and be able to offer some guidance. I just don't understand why I survived something that 90% would not have if I am to just be a drain on those who've chosen to stand by me, it doesn't seem fair to them, or worth the effort and strain...