Thursday, January 27, 2011

experimenting...

So I've decided to tackle my social endurance issues or deficiencies as I do my physical handicaps... like a sexually frustrated drill sergeant.  I'm going to attempt to power through the over-stimuation and suffocating loneliness I feel when with people.  It's odd that I can be in a group of friends or family that absolutely love or adore me but feel more alone than I do when I sequester myself to my bedroom...  To this point I have been socializing in bite-sized increments and that doesn't seem to be bringing forth any detectable progress, so I'll just push myself as far as I can and deal with the onslaught like I do the physical pain that comes with my balls to the walls recovery style.

I start today... going beach camping with a bunch of friends for four days then straight to the fambams to watch Mya for a week. I'm exhausted just thinking of it.  I take solace in the fact that the beach, any beach is home to me and I am always the most at peace breathing in the salty air, listening to the shore break and sifting sand between my toes.   I'll admit though that even with that comforting reminder in hand I'm on the verge of a panic attack... sounds silly huh? Even I see that it's not rational, but there you are.  Fingers crossed, I'll let you know how this experiment turns out.

I know it will be hard, I'm not expecting a miracle but I am praying (squeezing ass cheeks actually) that I'll be able to maintain control over my emotional and mental state and not make my family and friends regret inviting/ calling on me...