between...

I toggle moment to moment between being proud of my progress and frustrated that I still have so far to go. Between wanting to just try to go back to work and wanting to focus on waiting til I'm actually ready and going to be successful at it. Between thinking I'm ready to move on and not wanting to give up hope that I didn't fall alone. Between being elated that I have soo many loved ones wanting to help and disappearing so I'm forced to sink or swim on my own. Between feeling confident and sexy and like a handicapped, fat, eye sore. Between wanting to surround myself with people and retreating into my shell. Between tears and breathlessness. Between manic productivity and draining despair. Between in love with him and hating him for chasing me then ultimately not wanting me. Between graciousness and anger. Between the yearn to prove myself and giving the finger to those who assume I've lost my motivation. Between wanting to teach others through my life and wanting to fade into invisibility. Between wanting to, needing to be loved and wanting to, needing to be forgotten.