Wednesday, February 2, 2011

grateful...

I've been trying to be grateful that on the heels of the ending of one dream with the man I've been in love with; that there was another one interested.  I knew that nothing was going to come of it because my heart is still his but also because this 'new' guy has never been an option.  Known him for years and have not ever looked at him like that cause there's no attraction and cause on a base level he, well for lack of a more polite phrase, irritates the hell out of me most times.

We have become friends and I admit that it was kind of comforting to have a man want me when the one I tied my heart to didn't.  I attempted to gently rebuff him, not wanting to be a bitch but I guess he's one of those guys that if it's not a harsh no they think they can talk you into a yes.  But shit has hit the fan, and it automatically turns into I think I'm too good for him.  I hate that.  Just because we have no chemistry doesn't mean I'm stuck up.  Oh well serves me right for basking in his attention, no matter how honest I've been from the start.

It doesn't matter how lonely I am, I am not willing to be with just anyone.  I'm not going to project my feelings from the one who rejected me to the next guy who looks my way.  I don't want a relationship with just anyone, I wanted one with the man who holds my heart.  Anyone that catches my eye will start from square one with me.