Tuesday, November 3, 2009

anniversary

Today marks my two year anniversary with the love of my life. He fell ill with flu, and so on our two year marker I got to spend a great day relaxing and taking care of the one person who has taken the best care of me since he first set eyes on me. I do feel guilty for reaping any benefits while he runs a fever, but it feels almost full circle to have our roles switched on a poignant day... Seems a bit, hmmm poetic. I hit my four year anniversary of the stroke I survived- and that blindsided me with a downward emotional spiral; one the likes of which I was not at all prepared for or even understood fully until I took an objective step back on February 24,2014. Bottom line, I may not be where I hoped I'd be by now, or look at all as I had ever imagined but I am also happier, more challenged, and more loved than I ever thought was possible. I am truly blessed. Even more than you know because that love,support and care come not only from Josh but my friends and famly as well. I worry though, I worry about any I hurt in the past, those that didn't make it this far in my journey of recovery, and mostly the ones who I couldn't articulate rule changes to before it was too late. I know now, and am- I think, finally making peace with the 'harder than you'd think it'd be to accept' reality that the fully recovered Chisa will not be the same as pre-stroke Chisa... not just physicaly, but on every aspect of who I am. Maybe not all big changes, changes none the less and sometimes the most seemingly innocuous variation causes the most effect to the 'big picture'.