Monday, November 23, 2009

Peace With Myself...

I've been lax lately with my work out regimen, yes I am more sore and yes, I'm CONSTANTLY over stimulated but I can push myself more. I just haven't had the "drill Sgt. Bush", grit your teeth and push through EVERYTHING energy or focus. I don't know if I'm recharging myself, or allowing stagnation to consume me like quicksand... How does one find the balance? I can only figure that as long as I can look myself in the mirror and not automatically self chastise, I'm good. Hopefully. It's naive to think I would be able to maintain that pace through everything. In the end I am the only one (other than God and the universe) really paying attention. I had better do what I need to to make peace with myself. At least we know one thing for sure; letting go of the notion that full recovery was recognized- in part by reclaiming the mentality and notions of my pre-stroke self is one of the biggest, most significant of my recent gains. I find my view of myself incessantly shifting. The value ultimately stays the same but perspective, focus and plan of attack are very fluid ideas, I actually think it’s a healthier mind set... more of an acceptance of what is rather than faking the funk until you lose sight of reality and half-ass convince yourself that you've actually done the work to change in the ways you'd like. Cynicism seems to be in the forecast for today so I'd better cut this one short before it leaks onto those that have to deal with me in real life.