Tuesday, April 5, 2011

October 19th 2010

I feel different. It's like I'm six again and everything is detrimental; all those coping mechanisms you develop over the years (from unfair shit you justified as 'learning experiences') get washed away like blue prints on a fucking Etch-A-Sketch.  Bullshit.  I thought I was finally starting to implement a few of those (heehee).
On the bright side though I am learning some pretty important new lessons.  And I didn't loose ALL the old ones... Just a few of the whoppers! Some that could prove vital for some of the people that mean the most to me.  Well, more succinctly my dealings with them.  Bittersweet but considerable book material.
I wish I wasn't soo damned needy though.  I try to squash the feelings of loneliness and concentrate on the positives of more contemplative time but it doesn't quite stick... not yet anyway.