Monday, August 31, 2009

Halfway There

I feel like I've wrapped my head around all the changes, challenges and heartbreak of this journey. I'm no longer mourning what happened and who I was/planned to be. I love who I am now, I appreciate and see the need for all the changes I've come through, people can no longer tell I'm a stroke survivor until I tell them; I can now just put my head down and work on my future.  Look out world I'm coming for you, I'm halfway there!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Love Thyself

Once I fell in love with who I am now, so did the man I've been praying for...

Big realizations

Sitting in my friends backyard it just dawned on me that I've achieved my past stroke life goal. I was working every single day will one thought in mind; this is so I can live independently again.
I've finally done it.
Here on the Big Island I'm living in my own apartment, paying my own bills and keeping up the maintenance, cleanliness and stocking of previsions. I cook for myself, I get myself around. I'm enjoying my solitary time and breathe easier knowing that I've figured it out, I'm finally at the point where everyday is mine alone to conquer. The choice to let others share it or assist me with rides is just that; a choice. It's not a necessity, I'm no longer dependant on anyone in my support system, except occasional emotional support.
I am now free to work on my new professional, educational and physical goals. They're important but my deepest most imperative milestone had been crossed and proven since December.
This feels phenomenal. Thank you to all of you who helped me get here. Thank you to those who still make my days easier and more pleasant. I love and appreciate you more than I'll ever be able to describe.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


I'm sorry it didn't work out. I'm sorry for how it ended. There are things I can't take back, this is the only event that I would go back and do differently... It would come to the same end though, so I'm not sure what good that'd do. I'll be the bad guy, but I still know that this is for the best; for the both of us...I hope you'll be able to see it one day.

Update for my knee surgeon.

Dear Dr. Endicott,

Hi, this is Chisa Bush I'm not sure if you recall who I am, but you performed an amazing knee surgery on me.

I need to thank you for giving me back not only my mobility but my progressive life. I'm not only walking over two and a half miles at one time but I can also jog! I didn't ever think I'd do that again. As much as I'd like to, I know that is a gift I'll not ever be able to repay.

I've also moved back to Hawaii, but now I'm on the Big Island. I'm living on my own and still progressing every day. My engagement is off, and with all of the ambient factors of everything new, I am happier than I've ever been in my life. All of these decisions are the first unapologetic choices I've ever made strictly for myself and my best interests. I've not only found better med matches, but I've also had the amount of prescriptions I take reduced. 

I hope you are doing wonderfully! Thank you again, I can't describe how much what you've done for me, and what you mean to me.

Forever grateful,


Friday, August 28, 2009


Another first for the books; I've managed to put myself in a position to be unapologetically:
Periodically solitary
Radically Me


I must admit I'm still feelin' pretty gangsta; how many people do you actually know that have gone on vacation and just decided to stay? Not go back home settle your affairs, say proper and deserved goodbyes; just stayed. Found an apartment, opened a bank account, got a state I.D., even a treasured library card without using their return ticket; but not at all premeditated. Simply going to surprise a buddy on his birthday with a 2 week visit. It's the first deliberately, unapologetically, selfish thing I think I've ever done (as an adult). It's amazing because I also really believe that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. Follow your heart and tell your mind to stay in the moment, and always listen to your gut.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

There is no time limit

Please don't let well meaning medical professionals tell you it's too late to get anymore progress. Just because it's what the books say, or because they haven't seen it before DOES NOT make it impossible.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Not a again!

Last Wednesday I had my bad knee give out on me. After the swelling and additional pain did not abate or subside I went to see my doctor yesterday not wanting to take any chances. I left that appointment with a knee brace and crutches thinking it's a possible meniscus tear. I was told that at least until the results of the MRI are in no real bending or no weight bearing. The next available appointment for the MRI is on September first! Grrrrrrr.