#Unpretty

This is what #smilingthroughthepain actually looks like when it's off the charts, not very pretty, I know. This is however more often than not the reality of those suffering from #chronicpain; in my case it's #neuropathy which gets worse with heightened emotions, happy or sad, physical activity, any kind of intense focus (like filling out forms, reading, brain games or socializing). It's hard dealing with an #invisibleillness because people often don't understand or because there are no tangible signs, no visible cues there's nothing other than your grimace to show them what you are going through moment to moment.  I'm blessed to have a caregiver who worked in hospitals for over a decade before we met, he often sees my limit of stimulation for the day coming before I process just how fragmented my thinking has become. Before him I would push until I dropped, which would leave me bedridden for about a week on average.  One day of full steam for a week of suffering, not a very productive trade off and not conducive for healing an extremely injured brain. I'm still trying to learn my base line- what I can expect to bee able to do everyday without any kind of crash- but you'd be surprised how hard it is to slow to a pace that can allow you to stay conscious of your weaning mental energy... Or it could be that I'm having a rough time recognizing and deferring to the signs my body gives me when I'm pushing it. Food for thought...I'll keep you posted 😉