Perceptions

On my last post I used the word placate in conjunction with my current housemates and know now that was wrong. Perception is a tricky thing, you can think you know what someone is saying, what they mean but miss the connotation entirely. What sucks is that I've also learned how insensitive I've been these last 6 or so months. I've had a lot on my plate but didn't realize that the ones closest to me were actually getting spoken to (by me) in ways I would normally never dream of. Things that they perceived were definitely not the way I meant them. Perception... so tricky.

Updates...

Since the last time I've actually sat down and written sooo much has happened. I realized that I was in the midst of a mentally, verbally abusive relationship and in the end worked it out so that he was the one that broke it off so that it stuck. Since then I've found an amazing man, someone that so far loves me better than I've ever been loved before. A relationship that makes me think that I had to go through all the others, learn all those lessons to be ready for him... to be prepared for this. We're planning to move to Fort Bragg soon. Another chapter... I feel that I've gotten what I needed from the Big Island and now it's time to move on. I also need to be closer to my family again, coming back to visit has made me aware of how much I missed in the last 2 years and I'm not willing to be absent for any more. This is not an entirely popular decision. The people that I live with currently are not entirely supportive of my new journey. As much as I wish that doing what's best for myself didn't make them upset, but I can't stay stagnant just to placate them. I had a stroke for life to teach me to put myself first in the big moments, the big ways. I'll write more later...

Genyus Network's Roundtable for Australia's Annual Stroke Forum

https://youtu.be/mw2qCdnRSqA

Opportunity

Cal, the courageous founder of Genyus Network gave me yet another incredible opportunity. I was part of a global roundtable for a Annual Stroke Forum in Australia. It was for all the healthcare professionals there that deal worth stroke survivors and their caregivers and open to anyone online. It completely reinforced my dreams of becoming a motivational speaker and inspiring people by telling my story. I am so excited right now I can't even put down words.

Lost

I'm lost, looking to men to entertain me rather than taking the time to nourish my soul or do the hard work on myself. I'm tired and just want to enjoy myself for a bit but the universe no longer seems to want to foster this. I have to go back to the pursuit of my goals and my higher self... I'm just soo fucking tired. I know before the stroke I wanted nothing more than to HAVE to do nothing but focus on working on myself, I just didn't imagine that I'd be starting almost from square one again, this time with the knowledge of just how far I'd have to go. I have come an awfully far way though, even just from the beginning of the year; a lot of the credit I must give to my loved ones. They are amazing and foster growth every single day. I am blessed. Just exhausted, deep in my soul exhausted.

Sorry so quiet...

Hi family, I've been quiet lately going through a lot causing my brain to be more mushy than usual. There's been a hard breakup and taking on running a stand for my best friend at the local farmers market here. Things are amazing though. I've been getting out I've started online dating and put my stroke history right on my profile weeding out people that might have a problem with any residual effects that I'm still working through and guess what.... most adults are understanding and don't have any problems with them. I'm having a lot of luck and meeting a lot of great people. Lots of new friends and some good prospects. I'm also learning that I can take on more than I could even 6 months ago. Regardless of what well meaning healthcare professionals tell us, we can get better no matter how long ago our injuries were as long as we keep working at it and our minds as hearts believe we can. Please do not give up hope, there is always light. I love you all.

Oh and there's also been multiple volcanic eruptions and earthquakes on my island!

Who's to say?

I'm testing my boundaries... learning what it is I REALLY want...